Parents often find themselves tangled in worry, especially about their children’s well-being. This concern intensifies when our kids are grappling with anxiety and undergoing therapy. We may constantly ask ourselves, “What if they don't get better?” or “What if therapy doesn't work?” These “what if” questions fuel our anxiety, leaving us frustrated, overwhelmed, and helpless.
But what if there was a way to reframe these questions to ease anxiety and regulate our nervous system? Enter the power of “even if” statements. By shifting from “what if” to “even if,” we can offer reassurance and empowerment in the face of uncertainty.
Understanding the Power of Reframing
Anxiety thrives on uncertainty and catastrophic thinking. “What if” questions feed this cycle by prompting our minds to conjure up worst-case scenarios and dwell on potential threats. This constant rumination can keep us stuck in a state of hypervigilance, where our nervous system remains on high alert, ready to react to perceived dangers.
On the other hand, “even if” statements offer a different perspective. Instead of dwelling on hypothetical outcomes, they acknowledge that while challenges may arise, we have the resilience and inner resources to cope with them. This shift in mindset can help calm our nervous system and reduce the grip that anxiety has on our thoughts and emotions. And under our children’s watchful eye, our words have a big impact on the voice inside their head.
How “Even If” Statements Work
Let's break down the process of reframing “what if” questions into “even if” statements with an example:
“What if my teenager struggles to express their emotions and they feel misunderstood?”
This question reflects fear of disconnection. But by reframing it as:
“Even if my teenager struggles to express their emotions, I’ll create a safe and supportive environment for them to share their feelings without judgment.”
At its core, this fear stems from a longing for closeness and mutual understanding between one another.
An example of reframing a “what if” question into an “even if” statement from our children’s perspective might look like:
“What if my friends think I’m weird for being shy?”
This question taps into fears of rejection and social judgment from their peers, fueling anxiety and self-doubt. But by reframing it as:
“Even if people think I’m shy, I’m still good enough and worthy of friendship.”
Here, they can acknowledge the possibility of being criticized or judged while affirming their inherent worth and value. This empowers them to embrace their authenticity and challenge self-doubt.
Supporting Your Child Through Reframing
As parents, we play a crucial role in supporting our children’s anxiety and therapy. Here are some tips for incorporating “even if” statements:
1. Model the Practice: Integrate “even if” statements into your own self-talk and conversations with your child. By modeling this practice, you demonstrate its effectiveness and encourage your child to adopt it themselves.
2. Normalize Anxiety: Remind your child that it's normal to experience anxiety. Encourage open communication about their feelings and validate their experiences without judgment.
3. Encourage Resilience: Emphasize the strengths and coping skills that your child possesses. Encourage them to reflect on past experiences where they successfully coped with adversity.
4. Celebrate Progress: Celebrate victories and progress, no matter how incremental. Acknowledge the courage it takes for your child to confront anxiety and engage in therapy.
5. Seek Professional Support: If your child is receiving therapy for anxiety, work
collaboratively with their therapist to reinforce the use of “even if” statements in their sessions and daily life.
Final Thoughts
Navigating anxiety can feel like an uphill battle. But by reframing "what if" questions into "even if" statements, we can start to shift our perspective and reclaim a sense of control over our thoughts and emotions. Remember, it's not about eliminating uncertainty entirely but rather building resilience and confidence. As we embrace the power of "even if," we can empower ourselves and our children to navigate anxiety with strength and courage.
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